"american dream"

so i absolutely love the band "casting crowns"...they have wonderfully profound worship songs...and one of the ones off their first album has really been hitting home with me and convicting me lately..."american dream"

All work and no play may have made Jack a dull boy
But all work and no God has left Jack with a lost soul
But he's moving on full steam
He's chasing the American Dream
And he's gonna give his family the finer things

Not this time son, I've no time to waste
Maybe tomorrow we'll have time to play
And then he slips into his new BMW
And drives farther and farther and farther away

So he works all day and tries to sleep at night
He says things will get better;
better in time

And he works and he builds with his own two hands
And he pours all he has into a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are comin' crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

His American dream is beginning to seem
More and more like a nightmare
With each passing day
"Daddy, can you come to my game?"
"Oh baby, please don't work late."
Another wasted weekend
And they are slipping away

'Cause he works all day and lies awake at night
He tells them things will get better
It'll just take a little more time

He used to say, "whoever dies with the most toys wins"
But if he loses his soul, what has he gained in the end?
I'll take a shack on the rock
Over a castle in the sand
Now he works all day and cries alone at night
Its not getting any better
Looks like he's running out of time
'Cause he worked and he built with his own two hands
And he poured all he had in a castle made with sand
But the wind and the rain are coming crashing in
Time will tell just how long his kingdom stands
His kingdom stands

All they really wanted was you
All they really wanted was you
All they really wanted was you

This has just been resonating and beating down on me whenever i listen to it lately...i am constantly trying to just do my own thing during the day, and finding myself having the whole day go by without ever really "playing" with my family...i get caught up in the busy-ness of life constantly, but am not good at time management, so i end up getting overwhelmed and trying to do it all on my own and then let everyone down including myself, and worst of all, my family. I also have a problem with accumulating stuff, especially for the kids...i am a toy saver - as in, i cant bear to hear of or see a toy get thrown away...especially vintage toys from my childhood era. so we now have more toys in the house than my two kids can play with...and hearing this song, i end up seeing myself as the man in it...especially when i'm out thrifting with the kids and they are getting impatient and wanting to go home and play, and i'm telling them "later...mommies looking for stuff"...why am i doing this, when as the last lyrics say "all they really wanted was you"...

i really need to look to God for my guide in the world of parenting and time management...and also with my shopping addiction...i have been feeling convicted lately of still rescuing toys, but instead of keeping them all for my kids, i am going to start cleaning them up and selling them and/or giving them away. i also realized how crazy it was today that i am stressing about what to buy willow for her first birthday when she already has so many toys waiting to be played with that i saved from peyton...i think i will just wrap up one of those for her.

i also need to make an effort to just play with the kids more...i need to be there for them more often when they say " play with me mommy"...why is that so hard for me? i need to trust God that i will get everything accomplished that i need to if i take time for my kids, and that i will still have energy left for myself and my husband if i can just trust God first.

i also really need to cound my blessings more than i do and realize that i am living the "American dream"...it might not be perfect, but what is? God has blessed me beyond belief and i need to not be greedy and stingy and give back to Him by being the mom/wife/woman He created me to be.