sense of self

so i've been fighting with reclaiming my lost sense of self since becoming a mommy a few years ago. i felt trapped in this new persona of "mommy" for so long, and was really resentful for a long time. i felt like "worlds were colliding" to coin a seinfeld phrase or two..."independant angie" was at war with "mommy angie"...i was sad and mad and frustrated...i just wanted to be who i was before having kids for a little while sometimes.

now i am slowly starting to realize that that angie doesnt exist in her full form anymore at all...it wasnt a war all this time, but a morphing of myself....i can still claim some of my independance...i still have a creative spirit and felt really at home and content finally playing on stage a couple of sundays ago again after my latest maternity leave....but i am still mommy angie even when i am doing something for myself...and that is becoming more ok.

i'm not all the way to the point of letting a peace treaty be signed by the two angies, but they at least can have a cease fire most of the time. :) yay for self realization!